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Cell Phones
(3m)   by  Xiaoqi Li
English    (374940 Views)
Teen Monologues|Modern Monologues
Science/Technology|Entertainment


You know, everyone nowadays has a cell phone.

It's like their lives orbit around that rectangular piece of steel...and it's not even a sphere!

I can’t disagree though…I’m one of those people that just can’t part with their phone.

Every few minutes I’ll be checking my phone. (mimes checking phone) Oh look! I have…zero missed calls, zero new texts, the Facebook frontier is quiet…

Then I remember I’ve had zero incoming calls, zero texts, and I have three friends on Facebook: mom, dad, and grandma. I used to have four but then grandpa died.

Anyways, I’ll still be sitting there, or standing there, no difference, with my phone, just messing around with it.
I have one of those sliding phones…(towards audience) how many of you guys have those sliding phones?

Well you guys know how addicting it is to just slide the phone back and forth? *click, clack, click, clack*

It’s lots of fun until suddenly, I get a call from my mom wondering why I called. *hello? Oh hi mom….no I didn’t mean to call you…no I’m not at a bar right now…yes I know I don’t have a boyfriend…no need to rub it in…no! do not set me up with someone! Um I really have to go um…make dinner. Yes, at 2AM! Love you (shake head mouthing not really). Bye!*

Later on, I’m going to bed…getting real sleepy…*ALERT ALERT. ALERT ALERT*

I jumped out of bed, wide awake, grab the gun I always keep by me in case my feelings get hurt or something...you know.

I’m going around corners like they do in the movies, looking all cool like James Bond in his dino jammies.

I get the the room where I still hear *ALERT ALERT. ALERT ALERT!* going off…and I realize it was my phone.

Nothing like a text alert full volume at 3 in the morning to get the blood flowing!

Someone actually texted me! It was…my mom.

Let’s see…I read my mom’s message first. It says that grandma died. Damnit! Now I only have two friends on facebook.


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69 Votes Comments (223)  

Author's Message

"Hey everyone, I'm not a very experienced writer or anything. Please comment and let me know what you think of this piece. Advice and criticism would be greatly appreciated! This is the FULL SCRIPT."
~ Xiaoqi Li


Copyright Statement

I give permission for non-profitable use such as for school purposes.
Xiaoqi Li


Comments (223)

This is really funny. May I use it in an audition?

Posted by: tiffany anderson   on 8/13/2010 at 9:36 PM
Wow! I'm delighted that you like my piece! I guess you can use it in your audition if you'd like. I would appreciate it if I could get some credit or something though :)

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/14/2010 at 9:57 PM
wow, this is fantastic! I live in the UK and we don't use cell phone we use mobile, would you be OK if I used this for a show giving you full credit of course but just changed cell phone? please you're brilliant! :)

Posted by: Roxanne   on 8/19/2010 at 7:15 AM
Haha, thanks! What you said about using my piece sounds good, and I'm fine with it :)

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/19/2010 at 8:20 PM
can you pls help me!!!! i need to prepare a skit for my upcoming school function and you write really well!!!what i basically need is a hilarious and comic script which has some moral values we have abt 20 participants will you pls help us???

Posted by: jhora   on 8/27/2010 at 9:32 AM
Hey this is great? do you mind if i filmed this whole thing and post in on youtube :) You will be given full credit for writing the script :)

Posted by: Alex   on 9/19/2010 at 11:50 AM
Sorry i didnt mean to put "Hey this is great?" i meant to put "HEY THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!" haha

Posted by: Alex   on 9/19/2010 at 11:51 AM
I really like this piece. I'm actually looking for a monologue to do for our Forensics season. If you don't know what that is, it's a team of competitive public speakers going to different schools and competing against high schools from around our state. I'm looking at doing Solo Acting-Humorous as my category, and I think this piece could be a real winner. I would give you full credit to the piece in an intro during the piece, and I could even send you a video of it so you can see an interpretation of it.

Posted by: Brian Turner   on 9/20/2010 at 10:29 PM
Hey can I use your for Acting class???

Posted by: Austin   on 9/22/2010 at 8:38 PM
Ha oops I meant to say can I use this for Acting class???

Posted by: Austin   on 9/22/2010 at 8:39 PM
Hey guys, i posted replies for your comments but it appears that they havn't showed up...sorry about that. Well to everyone who has asked me about using this piece, go for it! Please include me in the credits or something, my name is pronounced along the lines of "cho-chi". If you're filming it, please send me a link of your video! I would love to see it! Good luck to everyone! I hope my comment actually posts this time >.<

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/23/2010 at 4:27 PM
Xiaoqi it's weird that your post didn't show up... please feel free to pm me if this happens again.

Posted by: IComedyTV   on 9/28/2010 at 1:14 AM
Nice piece. I'm actually in search of skits for my animation company. If you have more please email me. I would love to use it. Thanks

Posted by: Will Hugg   on 9/28/2010 at 9:34 PM
Will, sorry, but I'm don't have any more pieces and don't plan on writing any more for the time being since I have a lot of work at school. Good luck on your search!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/29/2010 at 4:08 PM
Great monologue! I'm organizing a play centered around a "texting-support group" - may I use this piece?

Posted by: Lathrop   on 10/11/2010 at 10:49 PM
Way to go Li, your doing fantastic with this phone monologue. WE WANT MORE! Keep up the the awesome writing (when you can fit it into you busy schedule) Maybe write about school. Your very talented.

Posted by: Don McDonald   on 10/12/2010 at 4:57 AM
Lathrop: Haha, of course! I'd like for my name to be included in the credits or something though. Good luck! Don: Eh...this was more like a one time thing...I'm not sure I'll be writing anything else. I'll try though...

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/12/2010 at 4:18 PM
This is a really funny piece. I am woundering if i could use it for Humorus Interpritation in my speech team for school in a speech compition?

Posted by: Alicia   on 10/28/2010 at 4:51 PM
Alicia-Of course, I'd like to be included in the credits or something though. Good luck! :)

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/28/2010 at 5:33 PM
I love this. You should seriously become a comedian.

Posted by: _____   on 10/28/2010 at 5:35 PM
That was hilarious. I need an audition piece and i think i just found the right one. thankyou for your inspiration. xoxo p.s i have a slide phone so this is perfect!!!!

Posted by: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   on 11/4/2010 at 1:38 AM
i just need it for my speech class. its my final exam if you could send it to me i would really apreciate it, its a really funny monolouge ( send to lkimball2013@montabella.com) ill give credit

Posted by: logan   on 11/18/2010 at 7:28 AM
Thanks

Posted by: logan   on 11/18/2010 at 8:04 AM
Send the full version unless this is the full version. thanks

Posted by: logan   on 11/18/2010 at 8:06 AM
To all: yes, you may use this piece. Just include in credits or something please! Oh and logan, this is the full version so you can just copy paste this into a word doc or whatever. good luck to all! :)

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/18/2010 at 11:42 AM
ok thanks

Posted by: logan   on 11/18/2010 at 2:19 PM
this is hilarious! i love it! is it ok if i use it in a drama showcase? i was doing some monologue from a play but i encountered yours and it's SO FUNNY! definitely changing it to this one. :) just letting you know :D

Posted by: mimi   on 11/21/2010 at 6:42 PM
lol hey this is funny good job!

Posted by: Susane   on 1/3/2011 at 5:52 PM
FUNNY DUUUUDDDEEE!!!!

Posted by: Danny   on 3/14/2011 at 7:14 PM
funny, I was wondering if I could use this for a class assignment

Posted by: Zach Warren   on 4/12/2011 at 3:37 PM
sure :) i'd like to be mentioned in the credits or something though

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 4/12/2011 at 5:12 PM
My daughter needs to recite a 3-5 min monologue for a middle school class project. Would u mind if she used this mentioning you at start? Do you have any more lines to this one as it comes in just a couple seconds under 3 mins when we timed her..?

Posted by: S Jay   on 4/29/2011 at 7:46 PM
Hi S Jay, I'm glad you and your daughter like it and she may use it as needed for her school project :) this is the full script though, i don't have anymore lines for it

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 4/30/2011 at 11:03 AM
Hi mr Li, look i think this is absolutely brilliant, i would love to use this as a resource for my year 12 HSC Mock work, i would love to have this peace in my performance, alli need is ur permission to use it and change like add and combine this with other monolugues

Posted by: Louis wong   on 5/3/2011 at 8:48 AM
Louis Wong: dude, i'm a girl! that would be *MISS* Li -.- sorry, i'm tired of accidentally being called Mr. Li...ugh. But yes, you have my permission to use it as long as i am given credit in some form.

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 5/3/2011 at 11:45 AM
Ty very much, sorry Ms. Li,

Posted by: Louis wong   on 5/5/2011 at 8:08 AM
It says that it is only showing part of the script. I would like to know if there was a way that I could see the whole script because I would very much like to consider this as a performance act. Please let me know if there is a way.

Posted by: Rob   on 6/5/2011 at 1:55 AM
hmmm. you should be able to see the whole script. i ended up uploading this again (see my note on the other script) so go see the other upload that should show the full script. please let me know if you are still unable to access the entire script

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/5/2011 at 12:45 PM
Iam actually still unable to view because i cant find where the notes are on your other script.

Posted by: Rob   on 6/5/2011 at 4:29 PM
uh...what's your email? i can email you the script since this doesn't appear to be working... :/

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/5/2011 at 5:34 PM
That would be so awesome! My email is: godyear15@yahoo.com

Posted by: Rob   on 6/5/2011 at 5:48 PM
k, it's sent

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/5/2011 at 6:43 PM
i want to use this for my audition.

Posted by: eliison   on 7/17/2011 at 11:54 AM
this is fantastic! keep up the good work :)

Posted by: caitlin   on 7/22/2011 at 11:47 PM
Hi, this monologue is so funny! Can I use it for my theatre class?

Posted by: Jhoselyn   on 7/27/2011 at 9:56 PM
I love this can i use it in an aaudition i will give you credit?

Posted by: Kristen Bolger   on 8/5/2011 at 11:04 AM
All above, you may use this piece as needed for non-commercial purposes. Please give me credit for writing the piece though. Thanks!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/5/2011 at 8:46 PM
I love this. I'm gonna use it for an audition for my school play if that's ok. I'll credit you and stuff.

Posted by: Anon   on 8/13/2011 at 12:04 AM
Hi Xiaoqi! I just wanted to ask you and see if it was possible to use this for an audition? Credit for your amazing piece of art will be given :) Thank you!

Posted by: jksc   on 8/18/2011 at 1:53 AM
Heya....... Xiaoqi Li could I pleeeeeeeeeeease use your script for a school function??? i am from india. mail it to me if it suits you hoping for an affirmative reply:)

Posted by: ayushi   on 8/18/2011 at 5:21 AM
Like I've said before, I give permission to use my piece for said purposes. Good luck all :)

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/22/2011 at 2:26 PM
i love ur work and i do act monologues. Plz can i use ur work?

Posted by: Grace   on 9/8/2011 at 6:32 PM
This Was Great!! I'll definatley be using this for an act in theatre. (With a few things changed.) Thanks!

Posted by: Madison   on 9/10/2011 at 11:51 AM
Since it said your monologue can be use for public. I will be using your piece of "art" for my monologue in drama class. This is a fun script

Posted by: Tai   on 9/12/2011 at 2:09 AM
My parents and I thought this piece was GREAT! Can I use it for an audition?

Posted by: JP Ludwig    on 9/14/2011 at 9:32 PM
sooooo ummm... i have a drama class audition and i was just wondering if i culd use this??... i know u said it was okay but is it ok if i change it up a little and still give some credit??? pleazzeeee

Posted by: geminitwilight   on 9/17/2011 at 2:31 PM
hi, could i use this for an audition at school? its really good and i like it a lot (:

Posted by: mk   on 9/18/2011 at 3:09 PM
hahah! Thats great...i moght have to use this for my play auditon!

Posted by: chase   on 9/19/2011 at 7:30 PM
I'm thinking of using this as my audition peice for my school play i'm thinking you don't mind from your reply to all the comments above i'll be sure to mention your name(: Really funny!

Posted by: Hannah L.   on 9/20/2011 at 4:13 PM
THIS IS FREAKING FUNNY...DO U MIND IF I USE IT TO SHOWCASE FOR NEXT PILOT SEASON IN LA?

Posted by: LUIS    on 9/24/2011 at 11:26 AM
Yes to all of the above for non commercial use, please give me credit :) and LUIS, please contact me further before you use my piece since it seems that ur thing would be commercial use. my email: runnr4life77@yahoo.com

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/24/2011 at 5:12 PM
this was good...mind if i use it for my debate tournament? :) keep it up :)

Posted by: Tai   on 10/10/2011 at 11:06 AM
Hi this is too funny, I need to a monologue tomorrow and I was wondering if I could use it, I might change a little of the wording and stuff up like add twitter and stuff like that too make it more personal too me, but I will still give you credit if it is okay for me to use it.

Posted by: Marion   on 10/18/2011 at 1:59 AM
THIS IS AMAZING!! I need a comedic monologue for a college audition and this is absolutely perfect! Would you mind if I use it? I will, of course, give you credit...Let me know :) PS You are so talented!! This is great stuff!!

Posted by: Savannah   on 10/21/2011 at 1:27 AM
Tai, Marion, and Savannah-yes, you all may use my piece for your stated purposes. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/21/2011 at 6:28 PM
Hey! Is it alright for me to use this for my monologue for my drama club if I cite you at the end?

Posted by: Kat T   on 11/1/2011 at 9:46 PM
Wow, I really like this. I was looking for a funny monologue for an audition, and I came across this. May I use it please? I would really appreciate it, and will give you credit now and when I am famous! :D

Posted by: Emily bernal   on 11/3/2011 at 6:06 PM
Kat T-yep, you have my permission. Emily-Haha yes, don't leave me out when you're famous! Best of luck to both of you!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/5/2011 at 1:17 PM
what a nice script! may i use this for our school presentation? like it very much... can i have the full version of d script? thanks

Posted by: annie solidum    on 11/11/2011 at 8:46 PM
Annie-Thank you! Yes, you may use this script for your school purposes. I would like to state yet again this is the full script

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/11/2011 at 9:34 PM
Hey imma use this. kk?

Posted by: codiahcade   on 11/12/2011 at 10:40 AM
this is fantastic! Could I use this for my forensics piece? I am trying to find something that could greatly relate to teenagers, and this is fabulous! Thanks!

Posted by: Kontessa   on 11/16/2011 at 8:53 PM
Hi Kontessa and codiahcade, you guys may use this. Sorry for the late reply! Hope your performances go/went well

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 12/3/2011 at 10:11 AM
its gud but i cant use it..............

Posted by: leelu   on 12/11/2011 at 5:48 AM
Need a monologue for drama class. N' It has to be funny N' around 30 seconds , no longer than a minute. My teacher wants me to try out for our In Class Play !! :D Any suggestions ?

Posted by: Briana   on 12/13/2011 at 10:59 PM
Oh and BTW: This is a great script! Keep it up ! :)

Posted by: Briana   on 12/13/2011 at 11:02 PM
hi this is great! do you mind if i use it for a school project? i promise ill give you credit

Posted by: kelsie   on 1/9/2012 at 5:44 PM
Hi Love your skit! Is it possibel for my students to use in a class project

Posted by: pat ortega   on 1/10/2012 at 12:42 PM
Thanks everyone! Use of this script for school purposes is allowed

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 1/10/2012 at 3:58 PM
WOW, I just read your AMAZING monologue and I would love to to use it in an audition for a new school would mind if i could use it?

Posted by: Brady   on 1/17/2012 at 3:43 PM
This is great! I was wondering if I could use it for an upcoming forensics competition? Thanks!

Posted by: Ashley    on 1/18/2012 at 7:21 PM
Can u plz rite me a funny monologue its for an adution it needs to be about something really funny but no swearing can u do it for tommorow thank u

Posted by: Saddles   on 2/2/2012 at 11:23 AM
Brady and Ashley-sorry about the late response, but yes, you guys do have my permission to use the piece. Saddles-I'm not available to write pieces for the public. Commercial and other requests may have exceptions.

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 2/2/2012 at 11:20 PM
Hi! I am going to a speech meet really soon and was wondering if I can use this piece? I am performing under the Humorous Monologue category. I think this script is really funny! If you don't mind I would be honored to perform this and if you would like give you the full credit! I hope you will respond really soon because if I get to use it I have to memorize it really quickly! Thanks :)

Posted by: Aspire-to- be-an -Actress    on 2/3/2012 at 5:25 PM
Actress: You have my permission to use this for your stated purposes. If possible, I would love to see a video of your performance. Best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 2/3/2012 at 10:43 PM
May i please use this monologue for my audition next week ?

Posted by: Anthony Gomez   on 2/6/2012 at 3:07 PM
Anthony-go for it. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 2/6/2012 at 4:13 PM
It's a ver funny monologue. Good Job.Im going to audition for a play soon, could I use this please!

Posted by: Samantha E   on 2/13/2012 at 3:10 PM
thats very funny... Can I use it for a audition....i love it...very smart..

Posted by: charles   on 2/13/2012 at 7:45 PM
Could I use this piece for my high school play audition?

Posted by: John Marshall   on 2/14/2012 at 1:34 PM
Oh, and can I change any references to gender to male for the purposes of my audition?

Posted by: John Marshall   on 2/14/2012 at 1:35 PM
This is awesome! I love the sarcasm and the development of the characters. The audience interaction is great, too. The twist at the end was perfect. It's something that I think a lot of people can relate to and it was told in a really funny way. Great job :) Really funny, I was laughing the whole time.

Posted by: Amanda   on 2/14/2012 at 10:04 PM
Thank you, all of you guys! For those who asked to use this piece, you all have my permission with the guidelines I have previously specified. Best of luck to each of you!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 2/15/2012 at 1:11 PM
This is sooo coool!!! May i please use this for my Drama class monologue? i will credit u for the script and everything.

Posted by: Shreeta   on 3/20/2012 at 12:36 AM
Shreeta-go for it. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 3/20/2012 at 1:28 PM
Hi I just want to make sure if I can use this for my audition..... This would be the perfect monologue for me!!!

Posted by: George    on 3/22/2012 at 7:56 PM
this is a nice piece .can i use it for my english project?

Posted by: aninyeam   on 3/23/2012 at 7:34 PM
George and Aninyeam-yes, you guys may use this monologue. Like I've said, please give me credit. Thanks, and best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 3/24/2012 at 12:00 PM
May i please use this piece if i give you credit?

Posted by: kaylove   on 4/1/2012 at 11:59 AM
Kaylove-yup. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 4/1/2012 at 3:19 PM
its too short

Posted by: spGas   on 4/4/2012 at 12:03 PM
May i please use this piece if i give you credit?

Posted by: Kaila   on 4/9/2012 at 6:14 PM
Kaila-yep, go ahead. best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 4/9/2012 at 7:01 PM
May I use this for a school performance for my drama class?

Posted by: kcpd   on 4/22/2012 at 2:32 PM
Also, can I change "damnit" to "dang it" please?

Posted by: kcpd   on 4/22/2012 at 2:42 PM
Also, sorry to have to change so much, but my school is kinda strict. Gun to baseball too if they don't like gun?

Posted by: kcpd   on 4/22/2012 at 2:53 PM
kcpd, you may use my piece with the changes you described. I completely understand the thing with schools being strict. As I've said, please give me credit. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 4/22/2012 at 3:05 PM
would love to use this for our amateur drama group if you did not mind. thanks

Posted by: rhona   on 5/4/2012 at 4:37 PM
would love to use this for our amateur drama group if you did not mind. thanks

Posted by: rhona   on 5/4/2012 at 4:38 PM
rhona-go for it, as long as you respect the terms of usage as stated. Thanks, and good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 5/4/2012 at 10:01 PM
Hey! This is awesome and really funny! Is it okay for me to use it for practice or film me acting it? I will give you full credit, of course, if I performe it for someone... Thanks!

Posted by: Nina   on 5/10/2012 at 12:31 PM
Nina, go for it. Best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 5/14/2012 at 1:01 PM
Hey, that, was amazing! i was looking up monologes for my school talent show, and then i came across this, i thought it was a really amazing piece. May i please use it if you dont mind?? :3

Posted by: Farah Way   on 5/18/2012 at 5:52 PM
Thanks, Farah! I don't mind at all. As I've said, please give me credit. Best of luck at your talent show!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 5/19/2012 at 1:50 PM
Wow..... amazing job. I was wondering if I could use this work for my drama exam (or as you call it comedy exam or something)and I had been reading the comments and I think you should try your best to wright some more scripts because you are very talented at writing them. I will of course give you full credit for the script. From Alexandra ; )

Posted by: Alexandra sb   on 5/25/2012 at 1:46 PM
Oh ya and pls respond if I am aloud to use this work cause I need it for monday (AND I NEED TO KNOW IT BY HEART!!!!)

Posted by: Alexandra sb   on 5/25/2012 at 1:48 PM
Thanks Alexandra! You have my permission to use the piece as stated. I hope you do well on your exam!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 5/25/2012 at 3:20 PM
Hey this is hilarious! May I use it in my acting class for our final monologue?

Posted by: Jude   on 6/4/2012 at 4:38 PM
Thank you Jude! Go for it, best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/5/2012 at 9:49 PM
I love your monologue. I was cracking up throughout the reading. May I use it for my upcoming speech and of course I'll give you the credit you deserve for your amazing speech!

Posted by: Magdalena   on 6/13/2012 at 9:36 PM
Wow! i couldnt read this with a straight face! you are very talented! mind if i use this? :)

Posted by: Lena   on 6/14/2012 at 3:04 PM
Thanks Lena and Magdalena! Yup, go ahead. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/15/2012 at 12:37 AM
dat was great it was so funny i use it for my acting classes online evrey day on my computer cuz my sister is ans amazing actress so thanks make some more it was halarious from madison gomez

Posted by: madison gomez (selena gomez sister)   on 6/18/2012 at 11:46 AM
the last sentence or paragraph was halarious good work madison gomez peace luv ya work

Posted by: madison gomez (selena gomez sister)   on 6/18/2012 at 11:49 AM
it's a cute funny piece of work...a want to add it to my arsenal...

Posted by: Ian Loren182   on 6/18/2012 at 1:26 PM
Thanks Madison and Ian, I'm glad you guys liked it!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/18/2012 at 3:24 PM
hey u deserve it good work i luv it my sister selena gomez said hi good work

Posted by: madison gpmez (selena gomez sister)   on 6/18/2012 at 7:11 PM
Give my thanks to your sister Selena as well!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 6/18/2012 at 10:01 PM
i would love to use ur monologue its really amazing but my teachers want me to write one on my own and im not that creative like u r.

Posted by: lizzie   on 6/29/2012 at 12:13 PM
I love this script! I would love to use this for my thespian competition in the fall! So may I use it? Please?

Posted by: Taylor McKinney   on 7/9/2012 at 9:04 PM
great job

Posted by: jasmine v   on 7/22/2012 at 6:36 PM
This is really funny! Could I use it for a school audition?

Posted by: Katie Shanny   on 7/24/2012 at 11:27 PM
Thanks guys! Sorry I haven't replied, I was on vacation. To those who used the monologue, hope you did well! Note to Lizzie-plagiarism is bad. if u were supposed to write ur own stuff you should do that. too tired to be more disciplinary and stuff. thanks again for reading and commenting

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 7/29/2012 at 9:59 PM
Could I use this in an audition as well? Thanks

Posted by: Carly   on 7/31/2012 at 8:07 PM
Carly-go for it

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/2/2012 at 5:40 PM
hey awesome monologue was wondering if i could please use it for my drama class

Posted by: Alisha   on 8/12/2012 at 2:23 AM
Thanks Alisha! Yup, and as stated before, please credit me. Best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/12/2012 at 8:43 PM
can i use this for an audition? please? i can give u credit if u want!!!!!!

Posted by: Hally   on 8/15/2012 at 6:23 PM
Hi, read this like 5 times and more. I would love to use this in my drama class. Do you mind if I do????? I really love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Gaby   on 8/23/2012 at 8:30 PM
Thanks Gabby! Sorry for the late response Hally, but yeah, go ahead. Same goes to you Gaby. Please give me credit, and good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 8/23/2012 at 9:44 PM
Hi Xiaoqi Li! I really enjoyed your monologue but do you by any chance have a 5 minute one? i can see that i like your work already! You have a very different perspective on everyday things and you use a good sense of humour in your work, but i really need a 5 minute one!! Thanks.....,......and i promise i will give you credit in my drama class!!

Posted by: Jensie-poo   on 9/4/2012 at 9:07 AM
Hi Xiaoqi Li! I really enjoyed your monologue but do you by any chance have a 5 minute one? i can see that i like your work already! You have a very different perspective on everyday things and you use a good sense of humour in your work, but i really need a 5 minute one!! Thanks.....,......and i promise i will give you credit in my drama class!!

Posted by: Jensie-poo   on 9/4/2012 at 9:08 AM
Hi Jensie! I've only written two monologes-this, and the smartness monologue that can be found by either clicking on my profile or searching for it under monologues. I'm not sure how long it is, but you may use it with credit for your drama class. I'm glad you like my work, thanks!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/4/2012 at 9:44 PM
omg:] i did this for my theater class and everyone was lauging so hard. how ironic that it was one of the only girls without a cellphone talking about how a couldnt live without one x} awesome job;] keep writing:]

Posted by: haley;]   on 9/13/2012 at 8:08 PM
Thanks Haley, I'm glad to hear that! Haha I like your irony - keep laughing ;)

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/13/2012 at 9:02 PM
Id love to use this as a monologue for my tryout! Thanks:)

Posted by: Luke   on 9/17/2012 at 6:52 PM
Hope your tryout goes well, Luke!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/17/2012 at 6:59 PM
i use for my pre -final Exam categorized "monologue" This is really great. May I use it ? if OK ?

Posted by: michelle ayo   on 9/21/2012 at 9:47 PM
Wow that was hilarious! I have been looking for a hilarious monologue for a few days and yours takes the cake! I'm going to be using this for my theatre presentation. Thank you for sharing your great talent keep writing!

Posted by:    on 9/25/2012 at 9:41 AM
Hi there! Loved your monologue :) can I use it for an audition ? Thanks :)

Posted by: Ariel   on 9/29/2012 at 8:55 PM
ahaha.. niCe work.. love it !

Posted by: aZeane    on 9/29/2012 at 10:17 PM
Thanks guys! (sorry for the late response Michelle and Loko) Hope each of your auditions and whatnot goes well!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 9/29/2012 at 10:23 PM
Hey! this script is hilarious I would love love loveee to use it as a monologue for a showcase. Would you be alright if I use it? credit to you, of course

Posted by: Katy   on 9/29/2012 at 11:29 PM
OMG HILARIOUS xD Please Can I Use This For My Acting Class...? Please reply fast because I need a monologe by Monday, October 8! Thanks Sooo Much, Your SO Funny xD

Posted by: RetardedDinoRawr   on 10/6/2012 at 6:49 PM
Yup, hope it goes well! Sorry for the late reply Katy. Thanks guys!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/6/2012 at 7:48 PM
I used this piece for a speech meet I went to a couple months back. It worked beautifully and I got a superior award! With your permission I would like to be able to use this with some revisions to make it a one minute monologue for an upcoming audition I have on Tuesday. So may I use it please?

Posted by: Aspire-to- be-an -Actress   on 10/7/2012 at 7:30 PM
Whoa, congrats on winning an award! Yup, I'd love to hear how that goes. Please cite credit. Best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/11/2012 at 1:02 AM
This is amazing and funny ! can use this for a presentation in my theatre arts class ?

Posted by: Joseph Friend   on 10/15/2012 at 11:23 PM
Thanks Joseph! Yup, credit and jazz please. Good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/15/2012 at 11:33 PM
This is one of the best monologues I've looked at yet but it's a shame it's so short... Nevertheless, I would love to use it as a part of my HSC (higher school certificate) drama monologue but only with your permission of course. I would definitely mention you as a key contributor to the development of my work as well as point out what parts of my performance were greatly influenced by this script. :) please and thank you ^_^

Posted by: penguinbritt   on 10/31/2012 at 7:51 AM
Hi penguinbritt, I'm glad you like it, thanks! Go ahead and use it as described. Best of luck! -Xiaoqi Li

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 10/31/2012 at 9:28 PM
Hey that was really funny! can i use this for my piece??

Posted by: dakota   on 11/2/2012 at 10:20 PM
IT IS OSSOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Posted by: Ifrah Andleeb   on 11/6/2012 at 7:37 AM
IT IS OSSOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Posted by: Ifrah Andleeb   on 11/6/2012 at 7:39 AM
its nice good job. i'm using it for my school competition.

Posted by: Ifrah Andleeb   on 11/6/2012 at 7:42 AM
Thanks! And yup, good luck guys!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/6/2012 at 3:19 PM
.ilove this! i'll recommend this to my friend so that he can use it in our drama: acting class! and give you credits :)

Posted by: Cathrene   on 11/11/2012 at 7:37 AM
Awesome, thanks Cathrene!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/11/2012 at 4:44 PM
Hey this is an amazing piece! Hilarious Ans modern without using any cheesy or innappropriate tactics. I was wondering if I could really record myself performing this monologue and post it on YouTube. If so, how would you like me to give you credit? Is it fine if I dont pronounce your name? I'd rather not butcher it on the internet.

Posted by: Freddy Martinez   on 11/27/2012 at 12:32 AM
May i use this for an audition comming up in march?

Posted by: Aj   on 11/27/2012 at 11:21 AM
Freddy-thank you! I'm fine with that. Haha well it's pronounced "cho-chee." Please include me in the description of your video with a link to this or something. I'd love to see it! Best of luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/27/2012 at 7:47 PM
Aj-yup, credit and stuff please. Thanks, and good luck!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/27/2012 at 7:47 PM
Hey!! Omg! I love this piece!!!! Can I use in for a forensics presentation? I would mention your nameeee!!!!(:

Posted by: Nikki   on 11/28/2012 at 6:59 PM
Also I need to know how to pronounce your name..sorry..):

Posted by: Nikki   on 11/28/2012 at 7:02 PM
Hey I really love this piece, and my school is holdingauditions for a play and we need a commedic monologue, would you mind if I used yours? I would give you full credit I just need your full name.

Posted by: Ben   on 11/29/2012 at 8:10 PM
Thanks Ben and NIkki! Go ahead. Haha my name is pronounced "cho-chee." My full name is Xiaoqi Li. Thanks for giving me credit, and best of luck guys!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 11/30/2012 at 9:04 PM
This is hillarous. May i use it in my audition Thank You :)

Posted by: Gretta   on 12/2/2012 at 7:20 PM
Could I use this for school? It would be much appreciated!

Posted by: J.Khoo   on 12/3/2012 at 4:52 AM
I love this! Could I please use it in my acting class? Thank you :)

Posted by: Amami   on 12/3/2012 at 10:35 PM
This is great, may I use it for my drama class?

Posted by: Ryan   on 12/4/2012 at 2:42 PM
Hi all-with credit given to me, yep. Hope it goes well!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 12/4/2012 at 9:03 PM
This is really funny! And I know its been like, 3 months since it was submitted, but can I use it for my Drama Class for monologues?

Posted by: Tina   on 12/24/2012 at 11:13 AM
Hey! I plan on using this for my audition for y school play, of course with credit given ;) You are extremely creative, and this is very well written :)

Posted by: Sham   on 1/3/2013 at 5:41 PM
Thanks Sham, hope you get the part!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 1/3/2013 at 6:56 PM
Oh my gosh i love this! can i use this for my additoin? and what kjind of person is playing it? a nerd? a popular girl?

Posted by: Daphne   on 1/6/2013 at 9:18 PM
I would have used this monologue, but I am a male teenager. I don't think it would fit to well. This really funny though, it's just awesome :D

Posted by: Aiden   on 1/16/2013 at 8:42 PM
I love this monologue and would love to use it in an audition! Would that be okay? And since I am also a male, can I change the 'boyfriend' to 'girlfriend', just switch gender roles. :D

Posted by: Diego   on 1/18/2013 at 12:07 AM
hey may i use ur script for my college stage show :)

Posted by: slim   on 1/19/2013 at 1:16 PM
Hi all. I wouldn't necessarily say a "nerd" is playing this, but definitely a loner - hence the lack of friends on Facebook. Diego, this could definitely work for a guy if you change a few words such as that. Hope it went/goes well for everyone!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 1/19/2013 at 1:29 PM
Hey Xiaoqi Li, this is a BRILLIANT piece! I was in tears laughing towards the end! Would you mind if I used it as a monologue and send you the link with credit to you if I film it? Thanks again!

Posted by: Nic   on 1/24/2013 at 9:08 AM
Thanks, Nic!! That sounds good. I look forward to watching your rendition of the monologue!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 1/27/2013 at 4:32 PM
i would love to preasent this in my class and so im asking u for permission and i will give you credit for this great monologue

Posted by: Jesse torres   on 1/29/2013 at 3:12 PM
Hello. I really love this monologue and I'm considering on using it for a class assignment on audition pieces. Would it be okay if I used it? Thank you.

Posted by: Christina    on 1/31/2013 at 1:41 AM
Hi Christina and Jesse, you guys can use it with credit given. Hope it goes well!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 2/1/2013 at 9:43 PM
haha i like this :) if you dont mind i need a modern monologue to use in my theater class and i would like to use this. It is just a highschool class but as i read through your comments you would like some credit soo i will give credit where credit is due:)

Posted by: Sarah   on 2/13/2013 at 9:11 PM
hey! i hope you wouldn't mind me using this piece for my Midtem monolouge and also my idea of revising it a little bit since I don't have a sliding phone and planning to borrow my friend's one. :))

Posted by: CLMaximo   on 2/17/2013 at 6:30 AM
I really love this peace and I would love to use this for an audition if that's alright. I will make sure to give you credit.

Posted by: sedinavelic   on 2/17/2013 at 7:06 PM
Yup, go ahead. Sedinvelic, it's "piece," not "peace." Best of luck all!

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 2/17/2013 at 9:16 PM
I really like this piece! Can I use it as my forensics piece? I will give you credit as the author! Thanks!

Posted by: Lauren   on 3/10/2013 at 8:28 AM
Hey, I have this audition for this showcase called ARTS and I am completely in love with this and I was wondering if I could have permission to use it? It won't be for commercial use but it may be recorded and put on YouTube (no money will go to me or the company because of this though) and I will MOST CERTAINLY give you all credit as author and creator thanks :)

Posted by: Makayla   on 3/26/2013 at 9:15 PM
i was wondering if i could use ur speech as a monolouge for ferensics next year i totally failed my speech i just paniced!!!

Posted by: aluna010@gmail.com   on 3/27/2013 at 4:33 PM
Hey guys. To what you've said - basically, yes. Go ahead. I'm too tired to respond further :P Break a leg

Posted by: Xiaoqi Li   on 3/27/2013 at 9:18 PM
This is really nice. Can I Use it for my drama class... plus we have to include who wrote it.

Posted by: ilikepie   on 4/3/2013 at 5:05 PM
Hi, thats so damn funny! Its one of the only like REALLY funny monologues here :P So i was wondering, if i could use this for a comedy skit? :) I already converted the monologue into a script, and its really great, i just wanted your permission ofcourse. I will give you full credit, and it is non profitable ofcourse ;)

Posted by: Micheal Jensen   on 5/8/2013 at 11:53 AM
Heyyy that was funnny

Posted by: Kiearen   on 5/13/2013 at 10:09 AM
may i use this for an audition coming up please

Posted by: maya   on 5/15/2013 at 5:32 PM
hey! this is really good, mind if I use it in an audition? Would give you credits, no doubt!

Posted by: Jean   on 5/21/2013 at 9:14 AM
I love this so much!!!! Do you mind if I use it for my first audition? Thank you very much:) get back to me asap I can't wait to perform! Have a nice day

Posted by: gabby   on 10/12/2013 at 5:45 PM
Hey, can I use this for my drama class tomorrow? It's great!

Posted by: Olivia   on 10/14/2013 at 9:09 PM
i was so amused by this!..cn i use ds too for our upcoming book week celebration nxt month?..please...thank u so much!

Posted by: ravine   on 10/20/2013 at 6:17 AM
This is really great! May I use it for my Oral Com monologue preformance?

Posted by: Ana   on 11/25/2013 at 1:52 PM
Hey there! This was an awesome monologue and I am using it for my Monologue midterm. However parts of it didn't make sense to me so I changed a bit of it. This is what I did: You know, everyone nowadays has a cell phone. 

It's like their lives orbit around a rectangular piece of steel...and it's not even a sphere!

I can’t disagree though…I’m one of those people that just can’t part with their phone. 

Every few minutes I’ll check my phone. (mimes checking phone) Oh look! I have…zero missed calls, zero new texts, the Facebook frontier is quiet…

Then I remember I’ve had zero incoming calls, zero texts and zero Facebook notifications for about 5 days straight. ^ever, I only have three friends on Facebook: mom, dad, and grandma. I used to have four but then grandpa died. 

Anyways, I’ll still be sitting there, or standing there, no difference, with my phone, just messing around with it. 
I have one of those sliding phones…(towards audience) how many of you guys have had one of these sliding phones? 

Well you guys know how addicting it is to just slide the phone back and forth? *click, clack, click, clack* 

It’s lots of fun until suddenly, I got a call from my mom asking (With Quotes) “What’s up”. *hello? Oh hi mom….no I didn’t mean to call you…no I’m not at a bar right now…yes I know I don’t have a boyfriend…no need to rub it in…no! do not set me up with someone! Um I really have to go um…make dinner. Yes, at 2AM! *sighs* Love you (shake head mouthing “not really”). Bye!* Later on, I’m going to bed…getting real sleepy…then my phone rings. I jumped out of bed, wide awake, über excited for who is calling. I grab the water gun I always keep by me in case my cat attacks me or something...you know. I go around corner like they do in the movies, looking all cool like James Bond in his dino jammies. I go downstairs to the kitchen table where I find my phone buzzing away on full blast Nothing like a text alert full volume at 3 in the morning to get the heart pumping! Someone actually texted me! It was…my mom. Let’s see…I read my mom’s message first. It says that grandma died. Damnit! Now I only have two friends on Facebook.

Posted by: Carmella   on 12/27/2013 at 1:25 PM
This was amazing! May I use this for my audition?

Posted by: Cami   on 12/30/2013 at 4:24 PM
Totally brilliant i used it on a audition and it went really well i gave you full credit for ur awesome piece hope u can do another one

Posted by: Cupcake   on 1/26/2014 at 2:40 PM
Hello. I do appreciate how well you wrote this monologue. However, I do prefer to think that it is largely colloquial. Nevertheless, I would like to use it for my academic speech competition. I will credit your work on it, of course.

Posted by: hans vandendenfleugenhoerbenschnitzel   on 1/27/2014 at 3:59 PM
Hello, Im dying laughing and would you mind if I used it for my monologue please!?- Abby

Posted by: Abby Simendinger   on 2/2/2014 at 8:27 PM
Hey, this is a great script! Would it be a problem if i use this for school?

Posted by: Ang Cygeern   on 2/16/2014 at 7:42 AM
Man this is an amazing script. Would it be a problem if I use it for school. You are an amazing writer.

Posted by: Katie Brooks   on 2/18/2014 at 9:14 PM
Hey there! I love this, it's great! I post videos of monologues that I act out on YouTube, could I use this? Of course all credit will go to you and that will be mentioned in the video.

Posted by: Kage   on 2/22/2014 at 7:02 AM
Hi! Can I use this for an audition for a summer acting job? You'll be mentioned in full credit

Posted by: Ben Flores   on 5/13/2014 at 10:33 AM
I love this!! Would you mind if I use this is an audition?

Posted by: Kim   on 5/20/2014 at 6:23 PM
I love pen island!

Posted by: Dustin Hewitt   on 6/1/2014 at 8:27 PM
Hello! I truly admire your piece.Can I use this as basis in my humorous speech presentation in school?

Posted by: Sam   on 7/18/2014 at 10:50 AM


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