The Package

The Package

(10m)   by cinderella
 

Comedy Skits   (140553 Views 54 Comments)

"THE PACKAGE" by˜Cindy K. Mackey

Copyright ? Cindy Mackey, 2010.

Cast of Characters:

Terry..............Manager of "Mail Etcetera" (peppy personality)

Jon.........Businessman in his forties. (dark and somewhat gloomy)

Tina....................Employee of "Mail Etcetera"

INT. PACKAGING STORE - AFTERNOON

A man (Terry)in his thirties is behind the counter watching˜Spongebob on a laptop. Above the counter, a banner reads:˜?Mail Etcetera Grand Opening? (big letters) America's˜fastest growing franchise? (small letters).

Terry laughs.

A woman come in from the back

room(Tina).

TINA

I'm going on break. You want anything?

He laughs at the show.

TERRY

This is my favorite episode! I just love slide whistles...

Tina rolls her eyes and exits.

Terry laughs again at the show.

A man (Jon) wearing business clothes

walks in. He is breathing heavily, his

hair is a mess. He looks paranoid.

Terry frantically turns off the

DVD?causing papers to go flying and he

slips and falls.˜His face quickly appears above the

counter.

TERRY

May I help you?

JON

Yeah. (beat) I need to get something out of the country.

TERRY

Of course! (pointing to the banner above his head) See the˜sign? MAIL Etcetera! That's what we do! We mail things...and, you know, etcetera!

JON

Wonderful. Can you get it off today?

TERRY

(looking at watch and hesitating) Uh...of course! Of course!˜No problem!

JON

You sure? It's almost five...

TERRY

Five o'clock? (chuckles) Our day is just beginning! You see,˜sir, WE at Mail Etcetera are on the move 24 hours a day, 365˜days a year! We deliver any time, any where! Satisfaction˜guarantee!

JON

(to self) Any time, anywhere...

TERRY

Satisfaction guaranteed!

Terry has a frozen grin on his face.

The men stare at each other for a beat.

JON

I'll be right back.

Jon exits and Terry watches him go. He

shrugs, thinking Jon isn't returning.

He starts to watch spongebob again when

Jon walks in with what is obviously a

dead body wrapped in a yellow sheet.

TERRY

Oh my god!

Terry looks in a panic.˜Jon drops the package down on the

floor, face up.˜Terry rushes out from behind the

counter.

TERRY

(louder)Oh my god!

Terry looks over the package in a

panic.˜Jon is calmly glaring at terry.

TERRY

Oh! This is bad! This is very bad!

JON

(annoyed)What?

TERRY

I can't do this! There's just no way!

JON

(angry)Why not?

TERRY

Just look at it! It's a mess! (pointing at various points on

the package) The wrapping material is COMPLETELY wrong!

JON

I don't see anything wrong with it.

TERRY

Sir, I'm a professional. I can tell by just looking at it

that it's not water resistant...look! It's practically

falling off as we speak! (shaking head) There's no proper

stabilization...no handles... and these!(bending down and

grabbing on large breasts) They're all over the place! It

might get caught in one of the conveyor belts! This is just˜unacceptable!

Terry gets up and circles the body,

concerned.

TERRY

I don't even see an adequate place to stick the label!

JON

(pointing to place near bloodstain)What about there?

TERRY

(bends down and feels the stained area with two fingers) What˜is that, blood?

JON

(moving eyes suspiciously)I think it might be.

TERRY

Oh no! No! The anticoagulants in blood make it impossible for˜any adhesive to stabilize. The label will come right off godknows-where and we'll have to do the whole thing over again.(getting up) No! I can't send this off without implementing a˜few creative packaging tecniques. No question!

JON

Creative packaging? What's that?

TERRY

Creative packaging is a science devoted to discovering the˜most space-efficient, aerodynamic, cost-effective,

environmentally-friendly, attractive and practical modes of˜computing a collection of subroutines with related

functionality.

JON

Jesus! How long is this going to take?

TERRY

Not to worry! I'm a trained professional! I'll have it done˜in no time!

JON

Fine. Just go ahead and do what you have to do. I just need˜to get out of here.

Terry goes to the back and grabs a roll

of tape, scissors and a box of

materials.˜Jon is fumbling in his pocket, takes

out a passport.

TERRY

Going on a trip?

JON

You could say that.

Terry puts his equipment down and grabs

for the body.

TERRY

I'll just get the sheet off and...

JON

NO!

Terry stops.

TERRY

But...

JON

No! (beat) You're just going to have to do what you do

without unrolling it, you got it? Just leave it the way it˜is.

TERRY

In the sheet.

JON

Yes. In the sheet.

TERRY

O.K.

JON

Alright.

Terry stares at the package for a beat.

TERRY

Well, I'll just put a layer of wrap on it and tape it up a˜bit...just to stabilize it.

JON

That's fine.

Terry puts it in a large plastic bag.

It doesn't quite fit and so he spends

time bending and fumbling with it. He

finally gets it in and then begins

taping.˜In the process of taping, he drops the

head on the ground and it makes a

cracking sound.

TERRY

It'll cost extra, but I think you'll want some bubble wrap.

JON

Bubble wrap?

TERRY

Yes. Some of it seems to be a bit...fragile.

Jon looks at the item, sullen.

JON

Fragile? Yeah. You could say that.

Terry gets the bubble wrap and tapes.

JON
(mumbling to self and staring at the body) Fragile ...you better believe it! She was so fucking fragile I felt like I was walking on eggshells my whole fucking life!˜

Jon turns away from the body and lights a cigarette while Terry fumbles with the body and bubble wrap.˜

Jon looks into the audience and begins a soliloquy, of sorts.˜

JON

Do you know what it's like...not˜to be able to say a word or do anything without having˜someone tell you how stupid and horrible you are?

As Terry fumbles with the wrap, the body suddenly begins choking Terry and they wrestle.

Throughout the rest of Jon's speech, Terry struggles with the body and bubble wrap.

JON

I˜could come home and say that I just made a million dollars on˜some real estate deal and...you know what I'd get?˜(puts up his hands like a puppet and talking in a whiny˜voice) Nya! Nya! Nya! Why did you do this? Why did you do˜that? You're so fucking stupid! (beat) Yeah! I'm stupid!˜I'm stupid for putting up with that shit for almost twenty˜years!

Terry is on top the body but it is choking him. Terry grabs a large bag of styrofoam peanuts and pushes in on the head of the body--suffocating it.

The body eventually goes limp. again.˜

Terry gets up, hair and clothes now disheveled.

TERRY

Peanuts?

JON

(Turning around, looking at Terry) What?

TERRY

(grabbing the bag of peanuts) Styrofoam peanuts. To prevent it from moving in the box.

JON

Look, forget the box. Just slap a label on it and throw it

in the truck, OK?

TERRY

Are you sure? I can't guarantee that it won't get damaged in

transit.

JON

I don't think it's possible to damage it any more than it

already is.

TERRY

Well all right.

Terry goes behind the counter and grabs

sheets of paper and a pencil.

TERRY

Where's it going to? Have you got the address?

JON

You said you deliver anywhere?

TERRY

Anytime. Anywhere.

JON

I don't know the address...

TERRY

You said it's international, right? Wait! I'll get the book.

Terry grabs a large book and begins

flipping.

TERRY

O.K...

JON

Nevado Del Ruiz.

TERRY

Hmmm....is that a resort?

JON

(shaking head) A volcano.

Tery stops flipping and looks up.

TERRY

(outraged) We can't do that!

JON

Why not?

TERRY

...Not without having you sign a damage waiver form! God

knows what the heat will do to the wrapping! It's not made of˜kryptonite, you know!

Terry takes out a form and hands it to˜Jon, who initials it.

JON

That's fine. Is that it?

Terry continues looking in the book.

TERRY

I can't seem to find it here....but not to worry! I'll

google it. Let me ring you up.

Terry faces the computer screen to get

total price.

TERRY

Would you like it certified?

JON

No.

TERRY

Any insurance?

JON

No thank you.

TERRY

How about a greeting sticker? They're very popular,

especially with the ladies!

JON

I'll pass.

TERRY

All right...

TERRY

Oh! Because it's going out of the country, we'll just need˜your initials here and here, which basically says that the˜parcel doesn't contain anything...you know, illegal.

JON

(suspicious) What do you mean, illegal?

TERRY

You know, invasive plants, poisonous snakes, piranhas...the˜usual.

JON

Oh.

Jon initials and hands it back to

Terry, who begins punching on a

computer to get the total.

TERRY

Let's see...you'll get the extra large international parcel˜rate....wrapping fee....no Extras... (beat) That'll be seven˜hundred twenty two dollars and sixty five cents.

JON

What? That's outrageous!

TERRY

It's the live volcano fee. Tacks on an extra four hundred

dollars in helicopter insurance.

He takes out his wallet and counts his

money.

JON

I don't have enough cash.

TERRY

We take visa and mastercard!

JON

American Express?

Terry makes a mocking face.

JON

How about a check?

TERRY

(shaking head) We've had too many problems with personal

checks. Sorry.

JON

(angry) I can't believe this! Can't you make an exception?˜After all this?

TERRY

(shakes head) Sorry. Company policy. Too many bad people

out there trying to do bad things...one time, this woman came˜and?

JON

(interrupting, very angry) Well this is outrageous! Why the˜fuck didn't you tell me this in the first place!

TERRY

There's a sign right here on the register.

JON

(angry) You?

Jon suddenly contains himself.

JON

Fine! You know what? (looking at package) You keep it,

then!

TERRY

Wait! You can't...

Jon grabs a box labeled ?fragile? from

the counter and throws it next to the

package (body). It makes a shattering

noise.

Jon walks to the exit.

TERRY

Why did you do that? Wha? (panicked) It wasn't insured!

JON

Fucking nutcase!

Jon exits.

Terry is outraged, and runs out from

behind the counter and looks out the

door.˜Tina enters.

TINA

I'm back!

TERRY

Call the police!

TINA

What? Why?

TERRY

That guy! He's crazy!

TINA

What happened?

TERRY

He threw down one of our parcels and broke the damned thing!˜I can't be responsible for that!

TINA

Oh my god! I'm calling 911 right now!

Tina goes behind the counter and calls.

Terry is standing there, fretting over

the fallen box, which is right next to

the package (body).

TERRY

(shaking his head) What is going ON with people nowadays?

He picks up the box and shakes it and

we hear a shattering sound.

TERRY

Isn't there any human decency left in the world?

THE END.

Comedy Type: Script Length: Post date: Script Market:
Public

Author's Message

"The Package" is a script that was written in one sitting. I started with the idea of a dead body and it went on from there.

Copyright Statement



Comments

   

Mark (not verified)
Love the script, hillarious!

Anonymous (not verified)
Thanks, Mark. It is nice to get some sort of comment on...anything. Ha.

Shelby (not verified)
hey, this is really funny and i would like to use it for a skit that i have to perform for my high school. can i, please? haha its one of the best ones i found on here

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi shelby. Go ahead! cindy

Henil Kyada (not verified)
This is the best script I have ever read.

collijijk
My school is doing a variety show and we'd like to use this. May we?

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi. Sure. I'd be honored. thanks- cindy

john (not verified)
Hi. this is a very funny and creative script. good job! i have a class that im supposed to come up with any kind of story. can i use urs?

Anonymous (not verified)
OK, John.

kennan (not verified)
Funny! is that you, Cindy K?

Anonymous (not verified)
Kennan? Is that YOU Kennan F? I certainly hope so.

Gunjan (not verified)
Hi Cindy! It's a nice script. I was looking for some good short scripts to be staged. Can I have your permission for your's so that I can stage it. And if yes then could you please tell me your full name so that I could give you credit for writing. Thank You.

Anonymous (not verified)
HI. Sure you can use it. My full name is at the top of the page. let me know how it turns out! thanks! cindy

Gunjan (not verified)
Thank you very much Cindy, I'll let you know. :)

Gunjan (not verified)
Hi Cindy, I live in India and will have your show staged there and need an official statement i.e. NOC from your side. So, if you don't mind, could you please send me an e-mail regarding permission, just a few words, like I have no objection that I am adapting your play etc.etc. My email is: mail_gunjan@rediffmail.com Waiting for your reply. Thank You.

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi Gunjan. I emailed you the short statement. If you haven't got it already, please let me know and I will try again. cheers- cindy

dave (not verified)
what a funny script! love it! i am a student and we are required to submit a 10 minute script for our project. i'd love to use urs if that is okay with you and maybe change some parts? hope its fine with u! again, good job! :)

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi Dave. That is fine. cheers- cindy

crushanapple
Hi Cindy (: I love your script and I would like to use it for my movie filming club! would that be okay :D?

Anonymous (not verified)
Yes. That would be fine. thanks-- cindy

B_BooI (not verified)
Hey Cindy.Love the script, was wondering if i could adapt it for a peice of our highschool skit?

TheTastyNyanCat... (not verified)
Hi love this script could we use it in our youtube channel. well even add credits to you for the script.

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi. That sounds wonderful. Please let me know when it's up. I'd love to see it! cindy

AwesomePossum (not verified)
Hey, is it alright if I use this for a one-man-show kind of thing? I'll be sure to give you credit before hand :D

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi. Sure. Let me know where I can watch the show! c.

625701
i luv it!!! it was so funny! great job!

tdierenfeldt
With your permission I would like to adadpt this script for my two kids age 16 and 13 to use for a short film. Their website is www.dierenfeldtfilm.com

BubeleBooi (not verified)
Hey cindy really loved the script. with your permission could i adapt your script for a short section in a highschool skit i need to put on--keep up the great work Regards, B.Booi

nikkei (not verified)
i wish that their have a some video of this skits because i want to watch it..

Dave (not verified)
Hi Cindy, My names David, I'm from Tongala, Victoria, Australia and I'm putting on a night of short plays for my local community and was hoping that i could have your permission to use this one (The Package) as it is hilarious. If i can use it could you please send an official statement to my email address townsy_18@hotmail.com Thankyou

Monique (not verified)
This is hilarious. I'd like to use this for a scene for my Advanced Drama Class Assignment. Could I possibly be allowed to do that?

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi David. Hi Monique. Yes. You can use it. Sorry, I was in London on a trip. thanks- cindy

Mo (not verified)
hey gud script, i wud like to use it in my uni day play, may I?

Liam (not verified)
Hi there! Amazing script! May I please use it for a YouTube video???

Anonymous (not verified)
Hi Liam Yes. You can. Can you send me the link when you are done? I would love to see it in motion, so to speak.

Liam (not verified)
thankyou so much! it may take awhile tho! I'll send u the link when it's done :)

ronnieyeoh
Hello Cindy, I really like your script a lot and would love to use it in my Indie Movie. May I? I will send you the finished video. I'm shooting it in Hong Kong.

Callie (not verified)
Love this script. I am working on a short film for a class I am taking and was wondering if it would be alright to film this?

cindy (not verified)
Hi ronnieyeoh and callie. My account is screwed up because I changed my email but yes. You can use the script. thanks- cindy

icomedytv
Cindy - please sign up a new account and we can move all your scripts under your new account. Email admin at icomedytv.com when you are ready.

Dominick (not verified)
Hi Cindy, wonderful script. I'd like your permission to use this for a student short film? And where might I be able to read the rest of your work? Have a good one! Thanks, Dom

blackpantherhuh
Hi Cindy, the script is hilarious. I was wondering if I could use it for my high school skit night? Thanks

cinderella
Hi there. If anyone wants me I had to sign up for a new account. My user name is CINDERELLA. thanks! cindy ps hope the icomedytv admin will move all my stuff to my new account?

cinderella
Hi Dominick. Please see Cinderella after the admin moves my stuff and write me. I can send you a few things I've done. I have yet to get it on a website of my own. You can check out my kids' books at: www.cyranobooks.com

Joanhs
I like most of it, I don't really get the way it ends. Can I translate it to danish and have it our skit show?

cindy (not verified)
Hi Joanhs. I'll explain the ending: Terry is upset that Jon broke what was in the box (hence, "what is the world coming to?") but was obviously unconcerned about the dead body(being more concerned about wrapping it). anyway, sure you can translate it. Maybe it will be funnier in danish!

Nick (not verified)
Hey Cindy I'm really hoping you can get back to me either here or by email cause I have a question about your scene the package "which I loved by the way" I was just curious if terry "the store owner" is aware at any point throughout the scene that the package is intact a body, or is he just very oblivious? Anyway I'd love to hear back from you. Cya!

Nick (not verified)
Sorry scratch that last comment. Obviously he knows, probably made me look stupid. The reason I was wondering though is cause terry says multiple things to make u think he's unaware that its a body: like sending the body to a resort? Or putting a greeting card on a dead body? Is there anyway the scene could be done without him knowing by just making a few changes? I feel it could add to the scene

Nick (not verified)
And when terry says we'll need you to sign here as proof there's nothing illegal in here. Doesn't that prove he doesn't know there's a body inside because he would know it's illegal

lexi (not verified)
hi I need a good script to perform at a talent show and I was wondering if I could use this.

cindy (not verified)
That's fine.... good luck- c

breannewilhite
Hi Cindy! I was wondering if I could use this script for my school's student run comedy skit performance! I would have to change some lines with the cursing or the grabbing the boobs to make it school appropriate, would that be alright? I love this script, it's so funny! Thanks, Breanne W

Troy Bisso
Hey, could me and a friend use your script for High School Speech/Forensics Competition. It's hilarious! :)

reem alateya 99
I'm really loved the cast , and I would like to know about it more like dive in the meaning cause I didn't get the hole point of it. please if someone knows about it please let me know ???

10m Comedy Skits - The Package