man: you called us about problems with household pests
woman: thank god you're here. we're overrun with mice
man: are you sure they're mice?
woman: I think they're too small to be rats. surely your traps catch all rodents?
man: we don't use traps
woman: well then your poison kills everything?
man: we don't use poison
woman: are you telling me you gas them or shoot them?
man: we don't visit any violence upon household pests, we relocate them
woman: I'm not understanding you. you don't kill them you relocate them. what are you going to do, threaten them with legal action for being squatters?
man: serving a legal document on rodents would be futile mam
woman: no killing, I cant believe I've hired a crackpot Buddhist pest control outfit
man: I assure you mam we are in this business along time. killing is not the way. we find it only kindles a desire for revenge. relocation leaves little or no bitterness
woman: okay then, can you please relocate my mice?
man: you're sure they're mice not small rats or shrews?
woman: what does it matter? I want rid of them
man: well if you play a pipe tune to a mouse he'll stay where he is. on the other hand a rat will dance out the door
woman: wow I've heard it all now, you're the all new pied piper
man: if you like mam, we prefer musical pest control
woman: I must remember to pay the bill so
man: very good mam, I'll just get my saxophone man returns with saxophone
woman: a saxophone entices mice?
man: tried and tested. I'll try a little up tempo number. { plays a tune}
woman: nothings happening
man: you don't have Dormice. we'll jazz it up a little and see if you have field mice. {plays another tune}
woman: Christ look there's loads of them. they're dancing
{mice dance all the way into the back of the mans van}
woman: that was amazing
man: sometimes when you hear your favorite tune you cant help but get up and dance. last week I had hundreds of rats doing the conga into my van
woman: you're a magician
man: its musical pest control
woman: where will you relocate the mice to?
man: our warehouse
woman: what do you do with them?
man: we use them to feed the children. as you said yourself remember to pay the bill
