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Let's Eat Brains

Let's Eat Brains

(2.5m)   by Jalvarez42
 

Comedy Skits   (120182 Views 54 Comments)

Let's Eat Brains

Two zombies are groaning and walking around in the middle of a public park.

Zombie 1: Hey look there?s one! (They start walking that way)

Zombie 2: Man he?s getting away. Look that guy over there?s just standing there! Lets try and get him! (They start off again)

Zombie 1: Aw he noticed us. There he goes.

Zombie 2: Look a girl! They always fall and trip in horror movies! We?re zombies so maybe the same concept applies here! (They head in the direction of the woman. Zombie 1 stops.)

Z1: Oh! Would you look at that! She got away. What a freakin? surprise.

Z2: I swear I?ve been seeing that girl everywhere. (nudging and winking at Z1) Hey, whattya wanna bet she?s stalking me? Eh? Eh?!

Z1: Don?t flatter yourself. In case you haven?t noticed, you?re a zombie. Not exactly a model boyfriend. Not that that even makes a difference.

Z2: Look, another person! (Starts moaning and slowly walking)

Z1: Okay stop. Stop. C?mon, quit it. STOP!!!! (Z2 stops.)

Z2: What? I could?ve had him!

Z1: Sure you could?ve. Let me just ask you something. How long have the two of us been zombies?

Z2: Bout seven weeks.

Z1: And in that time, How many people have the two of us, collectively, bitten?

Z2: Ummmm??.well there was?no he escaped?.Oh! There was this one guy?wait no, he bit me???hmmm?..none.

Z1: Correct. And how many zombies, approximately, preside in this city?

Z2: Well there?s me. And there?s you. And there?s???????..me????.and?..

Z1: Two! Just us! Do you know what that makes us?

Z2: Not really?

Z1: It makes us the most pathetic zombie invasion in the history of the world! We are the worst zombies ever! Never before has a zombie invasion been so utterly full to the brim with fail!

Z2: Well there hasn?t exactly been that many?

Z1: That?s not the point! The point is: We suck! Most of these people don?t even know that we?re zombies! Most of them think we?re a pair of crazy homeless guys who want to bite everybody!

Z2: Are we?

Z1: What? No! But you see the problem here right? If nobody has even acknowledged the fact that we?re brain-eating monsters, we must be doing something wrong!

Z2: So, um how do you suppose we fix it?

Z1: Well, first of all we got to work together. If we just walk around like nitwits we won?t get anything done. But if we put our one and a half brains together, we can figure this out. What we need is strategy. You know, a plan of attack. (thinks for a few seconds) I got it! You see that grocery store over there?

Z2: Yeah.

Z1: Everybody needs groceries right? Everybody?s got to have their eggs and their diapers and their inflatable lawn chairs.

Z2: I know I do.

Z1: So what if we waited inside the store, next to the automatic doors, hiding just out of sight? We could wait for someone to come waltzing in, and then we make our move and rip their throat out.

Z2: Actually, there might be a problem with that.

Z1: And what?s that?

Z2: I?m not allowed in the store.

Z1: Um, excuse me?

Z2: Yeah?the manager says I?m bad for business.

Z1: Well of course you?re bad for business! You?re a zombie! We can just bite him if he gives us trouble!

Z2: What are you talking about??.? Oh! No, no, no. I was kicked out looooooong before I was a zombie.

Z1: What?

Z2: Besides, wouldn?t that be?I don?t know? cheating?

Z1: You?re kidding me right?

Z2: No! Imagine you?re just walking into the store to buy some toilet paper, minding your own business, and out of nowhere two dudes pop out of the shadows and relieve you of your entrails. How would you feel about that? Sad right?

Z1: (after a long pause) You just don't get it do you?! YOU ARE A ZOMBIE!!!

Z2: I know you are but what am I?

Z1: Wha?.? Never mind. You just don?t get it do you? If we don?t devour human flesh, we will die!

Z2: Look dude, I never wanted to be a zombie. Before this, I was an actor, heading straight for the big time!

Z1: I didn?t want to be a zombie either! But you had to go sneaking up on me anyway! But am I complaining? No! I have more reason to be complaining than probably anyone else in the world! I?m a zombie and I?m stuck with an idiot! (he sits down. There is a long pause and neither of them talks for a while)

Z2(finally): So what were you before you were a zombie?

Z1: No, no, it?s stupid.

Z2: Oh, come on, who am I going to tell?

Z1: Fine. I was a (hesitates) dancer.

Z2: What?s wrong with that?

Z1: You don?t think I?m lame?

Z2: Of course not. What kind of friend would I be if I thought you were lame?

Z1: Friend? Well?thanks. Thank you.

Z2: Why don?t you show me some moves?

Z1: Well I?m not really prepared?(pulls a stereo seemingly out of nowhere and turns it on. Starts letting his body be taken over by the power of music)

Z2: (after a few seconds) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Z1: (turns off the music) I knew you would laugh at me! You jerk!

Z2: I?m sorry but I just can?t take you seriously. Well this has been fun, but I think I got what I needed.

Z1: What are you talking about?

Z2: The whole zombie thing. I?m done.

Z1: What do you mean you?re done? You can?t just quit being a zombie. Unless you found some sort of antidote or something.

Z2: Wait, you actually think I?m a real zombie?

Z1: (pause)You?re not a real zombie?!?!

Z2: Of course not! (chuckles) You realize zombies don?t exist right?

Z1: I?ve been walking around trying to bite people for seven weeks with you and now you?re telling me I wasn?t even infected?

Z2: I?m told you I?m an actor! (wipes of some makeup) I?m playing a zombie in a movie and was preparing for my role.

Z1: For seven weeks?!

Z2: I didn?t get this part for my looks. I really, really get into character before I start performing.

Z1: I can?t believe this. My wife?s probably worried sick! God I feel stupid. How could this be happening? Wait, If I?m not a zombie, how come I could only limp before? And how come I had a desire for human flesh?

Z2: I think they call it self-hypnosis. You?re so convinced that you?re something that your body believes it and acts accordingly. Of course, I don?t really know you that well. The human flesh thing might just be you. You could be a cannibal. But I don?t judge.

Z1: Well right now I just want a burger. And, of course, to punch you in the face.

Z2: Hey, you know what? You?d make a great zombie in this movie. You get more in character than I do. And, now that I think about it, I do believe it?s a musical. You could really put your dancing skills to the test.

Z1: I don?t freaking care! I want- wait, you really think I?m that good?

Z2: Heck yeah! We start shooting in a few weeks. I think I can convince the producer to squeeze you in to the cast. He?s my uncle.

Z1: Hmmm?. a movie.

Z2: Even if aren?t that good a dancer, it?s better than nothing.

Z1: I?m just going to pretend you didn?t say that. (thinks about it) Well I?ve thought about it and I think I?ll take you up on that deal. Imagine the surprise on my wife?s face when I tell her!

Z2: That?s the spirit! I?ll call my uncle right now! Together we can make the best zombie musical in the history of the mankind!

CURTAIN

Comedy Type:

Script Length: 2.5m
Humor Type:
Post date: Thu, 11/18/2010 - 03:22
Script Market: Public

Copyright Statement

Author's Message

It's a short skit about two zombies trying to find their place in this world. It has not been published so feel free to use this script for an amateur performance, audition, etc.


Comments

   

Shad (not verified)
the is really epic

Jenniper (not verified)
This was awesome! I'd really like to make this into a short film for my video production class, with screenplay credits to you of course. May I?

Jalvarez42
Yes! But send me the video! I'd love to see your translation of it!

Sara (not verified)
Hey there- I was wondering if you would let me use this a a video i want to make for Youtube? I wont do it Without your permission...so could you let me know? Obviously you would be in the credits...is it okay?

Jalvarez42
heck yes you can sara! I would love to see you bring this script to life! just give me the link when its done!

Jalvarez42
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7onBwOwjCg I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Liz H. (not verified)
I'd really love to do this for my drama class, do you mind if I adapt it for two girls?

Jalvarez42
yeah, no problem. I tried to right it so that the characters genders could go both ways.

Jerry J. (not verified)
I would absolutely love to do an audio recording of this script and try to get some guys I know to animate it! Would you mind? I would most obviously give you all credit for this wonderful script.

Jalvarez42
Go right ahead! That sounds really cool!

Andy (not verified)
I Would Love to make this into a video, if thats okay with you?

Peter S (not verified)
i'd like to make a video of this is that okay with you?

Jalvarez42
Sure is. to both Andy and Peter

Pookie (not verified)
Hey, i found this script absolutely amazing. definately didnt expect the twist at the end. mind if i turn it into a short film? credit for the script would be yours of coarse. :)

Jalvarez42
sure thing!

RainbowBunnies
Hello [: I really loved this skit :D It's really funny. and I went on youtube to see if anyone did this skit. well, i found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0TQGWrmKzA it says someone elses name wrote it. and it's almost the same as this skit. So, i don't know what's up, but I think you should get some credit 0.0 Anyway, awesome job with the skit [: REALLY liked it!!!

Jalvarez42
Haha yeah I saw this one and to be honest, I really don't mind that I am not credited. They did a good job on the video and that's all that matters to me. I'm glad you liked it!

Riddle (not verified)
Hey! I was wondering if a friend and I could use this skit for a YouTube video. Can we?

Janice (not verified)
Hey! This script was so legit! I wanted to ask you if I could use this in my drama class for a puppet show; it may sound silly but I think it could work haha.

Jalvarez42
Yes to the both of you.

renzo (not verified)
no offence but you did'nt make me laugh. .. . .i found the story really boring . . . fuck off!!!!

Brandon Prater (not verified)
Really Renzo? Cause a whole crowd though it was funny. Guess your part of the minority. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuJGUF16csA

Sarah Masson (not verified)
Hi there :) We were thinking about using your script at an amature performance at our university in december. We just need your permission before we can fully get started on our rehearsal process. Hope to hear from you soon. Sarah :)

Sarah Masson (not verified)
Hi there :) We were thinking about using your script at an amature performance at our university in december. We just need your permission before we can fully get started on our rehearsal process. Hope to hear from you soon. Sarah :)

Jalvarez42
Yep yep.

linkjr77
may i use this for a school performance?

Jalvarez42
Yes you may!

linkjr77
Domo (thank you)

Rajdeep (not verified)
Absolutely fantastic & stupendous skit.

Rajdeep Sukhwal (not verified)
This short script is an outstanding one as it requires only two people to act & very less number of prompts. It is a skit lasting for about 10-12 minutes & is very interesting also. It has a touch of comedy, excitement & climax. It's really wonderful.

Vanessa (not verified)
May I Use This For A Performance For My Highschool Drama Class?

Jalvarez42
No.

Jalvarez42
Just kidding. Of course you may.

Vanessa (not verified)
Ahahahhaha Thanks ^.^

Jalvarez42
Hey there, icomedytv-goers! I just wanted to say how flattered I am that so many people like my script. I apologize in advance if I start not responding to requests to use it. I have a full load this semester and I will be absolutely swamped with work for the majority of it. Just a reminder, you MAY USE this script WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. It makes it easier for the both of us plus I get free publicity. Thanks guys. Merry Monologuing!

lindagirlcom
hey um mm amazing script way funny wondering if id be able to use this for my high school drama class?? please and thank yous all credits to Jermey Alveras

Person (not verified)
THIS SKIT IS EPIC!!! GREAT JOB!!! (: (: (:

CDW.Mcculloch
Very well done.

Amber (not verified)
hi can me and my mates use this for our skl talent show

Jalvarez42
Yes!

Anonymous (not verified)
oh my look at you Jeremy:) all insanely popular i liked this. friend me:)

Ross craig (not verified)
I am in final year of university and was hoping for your kind permission to use your script in a 10 minute graduate film. Its very funny.

Tyler Thomas (not verified)
Hello, I was wondering if I could use this script for my school project. I find it so amazing!

Abraham Ocana (not verified)
Me and a friend loved your skit and were wondering if we could perform it in a talent show. We're also thinking about getting it on camera. Of course, all the credit would be towards :) really funny skit, the way!

Abraham Ocana (not verified)
We'd absolutely give the credit towards you for writing it. hilarious skit, by the way! Sorry, words got cut on my last message

grenouille4
I love your script and would like to use it in a charity fundraiser variety show. We would give you credit in the program, of course.

grenouille4
I love your script and would like to use it in a charity fundraiser variety show. We would give you credit in the program, of course.

tlhlll1974
Hello, great script. I was wondering if I could use components of your script for a intro for a animated cartoon I'm working on?

Luis (not verified)
Can i use for a Group Theory class?

Dan McCarney (not verified)
this is awesome lol could me and my friend use this for a comedy sketch on our youtube channel?

Shyam (not verified)
I really liked your script. Can I use it for a project im doing in my drama class.

M.A (not verified)
Hey, could I use this in my drama class?

Trina (not verified)
I love this! Can I preform it for a duo monologue for drama class?? :)

Mark (not verified)
Well done! I have one note: tighten it. It needs another round of editing. Don't use any more words than necessary. Doing this will make a good skit even better.

2.5m Comedy Skits - Let's Eat Brains