South of Spring Valley ?Cheese?
(Scene opens with Paul ordering from Marshburger, a restaurant he is somewhat familiar with but has never been to)
Cashier: Hello, Welcome to Marshburger, how can I help you today!
Paul: Yeah uh..could I have a sec to look at the menu? It?s my first time here. Any suggestions?
Cashier: Anything with cheese.
Paul: Okay?well I?ll have a number four please.
Cashier: Great! Would you like cheese with that?
Paul: No thank you, I am lactose intolerant. Do you have change for a twenty?
Cashier: Yes sir, would you like cheese with that?
Paul: With?my change? No?why would I want cheese with that.
Cashier: Well because it?s cheese, duh.
Paul: I see?well never mind, I?ll just pay with debit. Do you have cash back?
Cashier: Of course, and this comes with cheese, is that okay sir?
Paul: No, that doesn?t even make sense. What is with you and cheese?
Cashier: Is that rhetorical or are you looking for an answer?
Paul: I would like an answer!
Cashier: Alright, and would you like cheese with that sir.
Paul:?That?s it, can I speak to the manager?
Cashier: No problem, and would yo-
Paul: NO CHEESE DAMNIT! JUST GET ME THE DAMN MANAGER!
Manager: (approaching) What is with all the commotion, is there a problem?
Paul: Yes there?s a problem?.ugh never mind. I don?t want to get anyone in trouble, I was just wondering if you have cash back.
Manager: Yes we do, now would you like provolone, cheddar, or American with that sir.
Paul: Alright, where are the cameras, haha, you got me. I?m on some show or something right? Because that is the ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION THERE CAN BE FOR THIS ACCURSED FOOD ESTABLISHMENT, AND ITS OBSESSION WITH CHEESE.
Manager: I am sorry sir, there are no cameras, but we can give you some complimentary mozzarella for your troubles.
Paul:?.Fine. You win. I?ll take all your damn cheese.
Cashier: Is that a threat?
Paul: What? No I meant-
(Police rapidly arrive immediately on scene)
Police 1: What seems to be the problem here.
Paul: If anyone should be calling the authorities it should be me, I am lactose intolerant and they keep forcing cheese on me!
Manager: He threatened to take all our cheese.
Police 2: Hm. Dairy Larceny in the third degree. That can get you 25 years son. (Grabbing Paul away)
Paul: (while being taken) I was not threatening them! I swear. I am lactose intolerant. I don?t like cheese! I wish cheese was NEVER invented! Cheese has brought nothing but evil to this world and I wish I could destroy all the cheese there ever was!
Police 1: Watch your mouth, there are children present. Criminals these days have no decency. Now get in there with that scum of society. (throws Paul in cop car with another individual)
Paul: *sigh*. What are you in for?
Convict: I can?t stand Nutella.
Paul:?.GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!