Dennis Leary - I'm an Asshole (with lyrics) (04:36)   retweet
| More

Dennis Leary - I'm an Asshole (04:36)

Folks, Id like to sing a song about the American Dream About me, about you About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts Maybe below the cockles, Maybe in the sub cockle area, Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, Maybe even in the colon, we dont know Im just a regular Joe, with a regular job Im your average white, suburbanite slob I like football and porno and books about war I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor My wife and my job, my kids and my car My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar But sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested (oh no, no way, uh uh) No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense (woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah) I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane While people behind me are going insane Im an asshole (hes an asshole) Im an asshole (hes an asshole, such an asshole) I use public toilets and I piss on the seat I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?" Im an asshole (hes an asshole) Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole) Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces While handicapped people make handicapped faces Im an asshole (hes an asshole) Im an asshole (hes a real fucking asshole) Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong Nah Im an asshole (hes an asshole) Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole) You know what Im gonna do Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps And all leather cow interior And make brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah) And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour Gettin' 1 mile per gallon, Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side And there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why 2 words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want They can have a big democracy cakewalk Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it wont make a lick of difference Because weve got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off You know why, Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be! I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes, and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas and say..... (Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!) Why don't you just shut...

in Comedy Skits, Stand Up Comedy, Funny Music Videos, Money/ Finance, Dennis Leary

Article Rating    Total votes: 4             Views (9332)    Comments (0)


No comments so far. Why not kick things off?

Leave a comment
(Comments by registered users will have a link to their comedy zone profile. Example.)

Name (required)

Email (required)


Enter the code shown above: