Eddie Izzard - Dress to Kill (1:54:08)
Eddie Izzard Easter Quote
Eddie Izzard is a British comedian and actor.
Dress to Kill Quotes
Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum". And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps and looks around, wide-eyed], as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! Wait -- no, I'm a fucking squirrel!" And then occasionally, they'll go [throws nuts down] "Fucking nuts! Fed up with them, always! I long for a grapefruit."
There's no Church of England fundamentalism. We can't have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalism. Jihad! … Ah ha … Church of England fundamentalism is impossible because you can't have: "You must have tea and cake with the vicar... or you die!"
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon."
"Never heard of that one before. Five Hail Mary's and six Hello Dolly's."
"Bless me, Father, for I have slept with my next door neighbor's wife."
"Heard it! I want an original sin."
"Oh, terribly sorry."
Two languages in one head? No one can live at that speed! Good Lord man, you're asking the impossible! "But, the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!" Well … yes, but they're cheating! Everyone knows that marijuana is... a drug enhancement that helps you on track and field to come last ... in a team of eight million … eight million other runners who are all ... dead.
But in Britain we don't win many gold medals at the Olympics, because we've chosen not to. It's a political statement. 'cause we hate our national anthem. Because it's "God Save the Queen" you see. God save the queen. Now, the queen lives in a very big house with barbed wire outside and people with guns in front of that. That's one saved fucking queen, I tell you.
in: Stand Up Comedy, Religions, Language/ Ethnicity, English: British Comedy, Random Observations, Eddie Izzard