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Male Monologues|Female Monologues|Modern Monologues|Christian Monologue
I have this theory about Female superiority
Cuz I’ve noticed, they don't seem to need us men.
We're physically stronger than they are.
But it feels like we need them more than they need us.
Fact is, statistics say most woman prefer chocolate over sex.
Chocolate! Wrap your head around that tasty bit of truth.
When you think of it...Us guys were in trouble right from the beginning.
This is what I think really happened:
God creates Man.
An interesting creature, loves to take things apart, and blow stuff up.
Now, it’s not that God didn't do a great job on us;
But...For some reason, a day or so later He see's a problem.
And then He's saying stuff like "It's not good for man to be alone"
Like we need a babysitter or something.
So I think man was a bit of a botch up.
And He didn't want us alone down here, taking stuff apart.
So He gets busy creating…Woman.
Now woman will have to be superior cuz she has to be totally self sufficient.
And able to look after this man gone sideways.
I think at some point God had a little heart to heart with Woman.
You know, explaining the situation.
"Eve, sweetie, You are privileged among woman”
*rolling eyes* "Uh huh"
“I know I know, he's a handful.”
"Hey, Hey…just remember, where the real power lies, "Up Here".
"I made you stronger "up here"
"Look, I'd considerate it a personal favour if you just kept this between us.
I'm going leave him physically stronger, so he'll think he's the superior one.
But I'll make some adjustments, and he'll be following you around like a puppy dog."
So life goes on.
Women rule the world without us even knowing it.
They have this extra sense called 'Intuition'
A creepy thing. It allows them to know stuff without any information.
Like, I’ll ask my wife..."How do you know that?"
"I don't know”, she says, “I just do"
See what I mean?...........................CREEEPY
And look who they hang around with.
Sure we spend a lot of time with them but that’s just them ‘on the job’ looking after us.
Cuz look at a woman that, say… works in a daycare.
Here she is communicating at baby IQ level all day long.
After work, what does she do for some adult stimulation?
She gets a piece of chocolate and goes looking for a woman to talk to.
Cuz she needs some mature conversation, and face it, woman are more mature.
And they mature sooner and than men do.
Girls are ready for life in their late teens, early twenties.
While guys are still riding bikes off cliffs or trying to skateboard down handrails at 30.
More proof: I work as a lifeguard at a pool.
And I found out, that after swim lessons, if there’s a line up to get in the shower?
The female lifeguards don’t mind getting their shower...together.
You see guys just wouldn't do that.
We're not mature enough to handle that kind of personal space challenge.
One time, I was all wet and cold waiting for my turn to shower?
And this other lifeguard, Tyler, he’s just finishing his.
So he’s coming; and cuz I was so cold, I started to get in.
We were trying to get past each other when it happened...
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