Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Dane Cook

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
Dane Cook

I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
Dane Cook

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.
Dane Cook

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
Dane Cook

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.
Dane Cook

I get so into the moment.
Dane Cook

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.
Dane Cook

I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
Dane Cook
I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.
Dane Cook

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Dane Cook

I'm a late-night guy.
Dane Cook

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
Dane Cook

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Dane Cook

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
Dane Cook

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
Dane Cook

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
Dane Cook

In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
Dane Cook

It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
Dane Cook
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
Dane Cook

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.
Dane Cook

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
Dane Cook

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
Dane Cook
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
Dane Cook

When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that.
Dane Cook

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Dane Cook